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"And then there's War of the Worlds, where in thousands of years of preparation the aliens didn't think to get booster shots."
-from War of the Worlds Review
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Well it's been a fun, long experiment... one tried in many different forms. Unfortunately, I realized no matter what I try, this blog will always be too low on my list of priorities to update frequently enough with quality articles. So it ends here. Thanks for you support and reading. This isn't the end of my writing career, maybe not politics either. Hopefully you'll see me pop up on the internet, or the big screen, sometime in the future. Thanks.
- The Savage Comments (1)
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Happy Valentine's day from Savage Logic. Since the day is nothing but a mockery anyway, some Presidential Race 2008 Valentines seem in order.
"Ooooooooooo"bama wants you.
A classy POW reference on McCain's part.
No. No I don't.
That mouth looks a good foot wide. She's definitely been practicing.
Yeah, he dropped out, but how could that stop me from ripping on the man?
Paul never misses an opportunity to make a point.
If you have no one in your life on this day, just remember I'm there for you. Or, there's always drinking alone.
- The Savage Comments (0)
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It appears yesterday's Super Tuesday election extravaganza was as "super" as the latest Superman film. In other words, it had a lot of hype, but was actually pretty gay. Not to mention, the highly contested state of California experienced massive voting problems all across Los Angeles, the only way to avoid problems being to exchange marijuana for a ballot.
On the Democratic side, nothing changed. Barack Obama now has a slight lead over Hillary Clinton in delegates, but Hillary has about double the amount of super delegates. I assume super delegates are genetically engineered and ravenous enough to cannibalize regular delegates, or at least Hillary's probably are, but Barack Obama does have the power of soul to use at the national convention. So we're likely to see a whole lot of bitching, a massive delegate bloodbath and at least one powerful rap performance from Obama that captures the hearts of the Democratic National Convention.
Prediction: Obama wins.
This would be sad news to me, as I am definitely looking forward to Hillary Clinton being the most powerful President in all of history, given the all-time high of executive power, her being a 33 year Washington insider, a Democrat-controlled congress and the fact she sports a vagina made of titanium and lined with razor blades. I'll hold on to my bumper sticker in case she pulls out the win, though.
On the Republican side, McCain won enough states to solidify his status as "front runner," also know as "sacrificial lamb to the Democrats" come the general election. I'm beginning to actually cheer for the man, since he is such a devoted patron of my website's advertising, and it will be hilarious to watch him burn in November. He'll burn faster than most humans too, because he's old and dry. Why am I so confident? Well, this barely makes headlines, but McCain accepted public financing. In other words, when McCain's campaign went bankrupt the first time, he opted to use taxpayer dollars for his run (conservative of him, no?). Anyway, it puts him on a $50 million spending cap for the general election. But Bush and Kerry each spent over $300 million each last election. So basically, McCain will be putting ads on Craig's List while the Democrat nominee buys every city in the country and renames them to "Hillary" or "Obama" town. It's going to be hella confusing on the mail system, but the Democrat would definitely win. Hillary's empire would ban mail and travel anyway, so it's hard to see the negatives in that case.
Romney and Huckabee both ended up winning a handful of states, but still not enough to challenge McCain. Ron Paul had a few respectable 2nd and 3rd place finishes, but needs a pretty big miracle to be able to challenge the other three candidates at the convention. For instance, the rare case the media actually writes a story about him.
One thing is clear: it's still a long journey until we're down to just two annoying voices.
- The Savage Comments (0)
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In Monday's State of the Union address, President Bush used the speech to pimp for his $150 billion economic stimulus package, which would give generous amounts of free Monopoly money to everyone in the country. See, we don't physically have the money to give out, which is obvious to prominent economists and all those that understand the advanced sciences of addition and subtraction. But hell, since we got into this mess by spending and printing too much money, I guess the answer is to borrow more money. That would allow US consumers to buy more worthless junk from China, thereby "stimulating" our economy.
On a personal level, this stimulus is as if I put a gun to your head and forced you to take out an $800 loan. You're not shitting free money—it will have to be paid back sometime in the future, after the government has let the total amount balloon. Plus, considering the U.S. is a mammoth $13 trillion economy, trying to pump in $150 billion to save decades of damage is the equivalent of trying to stop a hurricane by pissing on it.
The money doesn't actually matter, but perception does. If the public believes the government is helping the economy, they will grow more confident. Confidence means that Joe-middle-class can finally splurge and buy the private jet he's always wanted and feel good about the loan he can never repay. Ah, America.
Well, news flash: we recently recorded a negative savings rate in this country for the first time since 1933, when Americans were suffering from massive layoffs during the Great Depression. It's literally an apocalyptic sign if this trend continues; it even started in 2006 while Bush was clinging onto the strong economy as the only non-failure of his presidency.
Now, apparently the solution is to reward brain-dead Americans with free money for living beyond their means, and also protect and reward the banks that participated in rampant Vegas-like speculation but busted. Yes, our country is, on a massive scale, funding drunken roulette gambling addicts. The basic law of subsidies applies here—give people money for behaving one way and you will get more of that behavior. If we gave away money to people for getting penis reduction surgeries, believe it or not, there would be a hell of a lot more penis reduction surgery. Likewise, we're on track to see financial planning get even worse. I for one will pound 10 or so shots in Vegas and bet my $800 refund on said roulette wheel. It'll be like pretending to be a government employee for a day.
But don't worry; we got economic geniuses vying for the White House to save us. John McCain openly stated this campaign, "The issue of economics is not something I've understood as well as I should." That's an understatement—the man is clueless and can only answer economic questions with "I'll have advisers for that," as he just did a week ago when Ron Paul interrogated him intelligently on stage. And we know how relying on advisers worked out just great for Bush, right?
Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton has proposed giving each child born in the United States a $5,000 savings account, to encourage young Americans to save their hard-earned dollars. Because nothing says "saving is important" like giving away free money. On the bright side, if my child gets a $5,000 account, I'm going to raid it for an even more extravagant Vegas trip, one where I can put all my money on a couple numbers on that roulette table and hope not to lose it all instantly. It'll be like pretending to be Mitt Romney's campaign for a day.
The only bigger joke than the economic stimulus package is the fact that Republicans and Democrats are desperate enough to support it. Welcome to "Whoring for Votes" 2008.
- The Savage Comments (0)
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Florida was dealt record traffic delays today, as the state's retirees slowly dragged themselves across busy streets to vote in Republican primary. The winner?
Yes, Florida settled for the "100 years in Iraq" John McCain. I guess I can't blame them for not caring, as they'll probably be dead within four years anyway. Think about this: 44 percent of GOP voters were over 60. You'd think that would have helped Giuliani, who attempted to scare the elderly out of their nursing homes to vote, but senior citizens supported McCain over Romney by almost a 10-point margin, with Giuliani in 3rd. Huckabee and Ron Paul finished the race fourth and fifth respectively. The only surprise here was that the old, half-retarded voters claimed to have actually understood the ballots, but that is suspect considering there were many write-in votes for the candidates, "That old white-haired fellow," "That young whippersnapper John," and "Have you seen my dentures?" If only we could take Florida off life-support, it may be tolerable.
Anyway, this establishes McCain as the clear front runner heading into Super Tuesday, a huge blow to Romney who has been spending his personal fortune in a selfless act to save the American family. Coincidentally, the "strong families" message is probably why Romney lost Flordia, as most seniors are rejected by their families due to them being frail, annoying and useless. If you have no loving family, you're certainly not going to vote for strong ones.
This will be a big test for McCain, who already bankrupt his campaign once. It's already showing the same signs of financial genius from what I can see. Before McCain tanked, he berated the internet with ad purchases from Google. It didn't seem like a savvy move to advertise where the festering broth of McCain-hate brews, but I saw these every where. I also always clicked on them often, knowing I'd give the site I'm visiting money and also drain funds from McCain.
Now, as McCain surged in victories and funds, the damn Google ads are back. How retarded is his campaign? It's not even targeted, as I live in Iowa and I now see John McCain ads, even though my state is finished with the process. Plus, I see the ads on sites that hate John McCain, for instance, THIS website. Yes, my website has been shilling for John McCain. If you're lucky, there's probably an idiotic banner at the top saying "Screw Iraq Longer - John McCain 2008."
The good news from Florida is that Giuliani has finally dropped out after an embarrassing raping this entire election cycle. It goes to show the media is no more intelligent than a magical 8 ball.
The Democrats also held a primary, but, like Michigan, Florida did not count for delegates since the state moved their primary up against the wishes of the national party. Hillary dominated the state with 50 percent, because she was the only Democrat dumb enough to campaign in the state after promising not to as punishment. Before she said Florida "doesn't count for anything" and that she will only compete for delegates. Well, with Hillary seeing her future galactic empire crumbling before her eyes, it was not a surprising move. The elderly then voted for Hillary overwhelmingly, believing her to be the only candidate in the entire race.
- The Savage Comments (0)
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New in the articles section, a Savage Logic video pointing out the obvious reason the media ignores Ron Paul: his dirty mouth.
Click here to view
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Republican Fred Thompson exited the presidential race yesterday, having ran a relatively long race for not having said a damn thing ever when it came to specifics of what he would do as President, or why he even wanted the job. He was an entertaining drone to watch quickly rise and fall though, as the American people clearly demonstrated they want a candidate with positions, even if they do indeed suck. "Rape everyone's children" could have received more mileage than Thompson's "Uh, conservatism?" single talking point.
My favorite Thompson quote was when he was asked about Barack Obama:
"His first alternative to all problems, as best I can see, is not only the government, but the federal government.
He's talking in generalities right now. As the time goes on, the process goes on, I think he'll have to be more definitive. But it's clear from what he's said so far that he's taking that position." - Fred Thompson
Fred Thompson says, generally speaking, Barack Obama speaks in generalities. For the most part.
Anyway, the good news for that one Thompson supporter out there is that there are plenty more candidates in this race to choose from. In fact, many receive no media coverage at all. So basically, they're a small step behind Ron Paul.
This is the first part of a series to inform voters of all the great choices we face in 2008.
Name: Gene Amondson
Party:: Prohibition party
What? There's a candidate that really wants to ban all alcohol in the United States? He must be high. Yes, Gene Amondson is running for President on that platform. Although, if you visit his website you sure wouldn't guess it, as it's more dedicated to selling Gene's shitty art work, recipes and writings than representing the free world. The nature of it all certainly helps understand Gene's opposition to alcohol, as his mother must have binge drank for the entire pregnancy and breast fed little Gene out of a Jack Daniel's bottle. That's the only thing that can explain his disturbing water color painting that appears to be a retarded monkey-boy with his hand down his pants.
Wait, Gene is an ordained minister. That also explains it.
Gene also demonstrates his amazing communication skills with a series of children's stories. Excerpt:
"There was an old man who dreamed he could fly, but a bit shy so he never told why he could fly. He knew he could fly but as far as he knew he was the only one that could fly."
Again, the high argument still stands.
Gene also ran in 2004, but he uses archaic facts that are either older than himself or the product of his delusional mind, which we've established is plagued by fetal alcohol syndrome, pedophiliac urges and marijuana.
For instance, Gene claims that, "Ninety-five percent of all violent crime is connected with booze." If only global terrorism was the cause of alcohol, Gene would be our fearless leader. But the best statistic I could find is that booze is responsible for 40 percent of violent crimes. Nice try. If he had said alcohol's responsible for 95 percent of babies, now that I could believe.
Even more disturbing, Gene details on his webpage how he dresses as a grim reaper around children in order to frighten them away from substance abuse.
Yes, that is actually Gene in the costume, apparently holding a vodka bottle. Now, I don't know about you, but if the God damn grim reaper was following me around, I wouldn't hesitate to get absolutely hammered once last time.
But to Gene's credit, he does seem like a more serious candidate than Fred Thompson ever was.
- The Savage Comments (0)
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I made the mistake of briefly turning on the TV today, and I saw an advertisement for Fox's new game show, The Moment of Truth. In it, contestants are hooked up to a lie detector and berated with embarrassing questions like "Does your wife look like a man?" or "Do you seriously like George Bush?" Believe it or not, this actually seems like a step down for Fox's original programming. I would prefer they revive the short-lived Orgy Island or Are You Smarter than a Child Prostitute?
This is yet another consequence of the never ending writers' strike that's depressed the souls of bored America. Don't mistake this with the directors' negotiations with studios—that ended successfully last week. So now we have the directors to work with the actors and produce glorious CGI shots, but the actors themselves won't have anything meaningful to say. You know, like the new Star Wars movies.
Anyway, being the super duper optimistic writer I am, I thought it'd be fun to examine the positives of the writers' strike. Because, as it turns out, a lot of awful productions are being delayed and canceled, preventing the waste of our time and dollars. So, here are a few reasons why the starving writers should drain their bank accounts for a couple extra months…
24
"Son of a bitch!"
Jack Bauer won't be returning to fight terrorists this season—the entire show has been canceled. Score one for the writers' strike—I noticed 24 was getting awful when parts from the parody film I made started showing up in the real show. In fact, at first glance the ending of last season seemed to not have writers behind it anyway.
This sunset is beautiful.
I think I could stare at this for the rest of the episode and ponder my future.
Yeah, it would definitely be climatic if I kept staring for a couple more hours.
*silence*
*silence*
Transformers 2
Supposed to start filming in June, Transformers 2 may see significant delays due to the strike. Because, just like all sequels shat out of the Hollywood retard machine, they schedule production without first having a script, sacrificing quality for quick dollars. For instance, take the new Saw movies we see every Halloween, which have become as simple as merging porno scripts with torture footage from Guantanamo Bay.
Anyway, even if you liked the first Transformers film, it doesn't matter. If you thought the first film wasn't exactly heavy on stunning dialogue or story, just wait to see what a rushed timeline will do. You think director Michael Bay, master of exploding everything without reason, has a lot envisioned for this film?
"I've got a lot of ideas for the next one. There's a lot of really cool, big robot stuff that I had in my head that we didn't do." - Michael Bay
He's a true visionary.
Needless to say, this feels like a film that could advance without a script. Heck, they actually did that for Pirates of the Caribbean 3, and it made plenty of money despite it making less sense than Pirates the porn movie.
So just let Michael Bay "write" the movie. It would at least have some pretty kick ass posters.
Michael Bay is a genius.
Terminator Salvation: The Future Begins
It's clear the Terminator series has reached the point where it's lost enough respect to be raped and pillaged for cash by Hollywood's elite. I actually forced myself to watch the premiere of The Sarah Conner Chronicles, a drama about Sarah and John Conner running from terminators. It actually featured a scene where a terminator shot up John's high school classroom and dryly remarked, "class dismissed." Wow, please writers, please return so we can have more of this amazing dialogue.
Anyway, Variety reported that the fourth installment "seeks to reinvent the cyborg saga with a storyline to be told over a three-pic span." Three movies, all without former star Arnold Schwarzenegger. And if you thought the studio could care less about this, it's being directed by the talented genius that brought us Charlie's Angels, so at the very least we can expect a hot, slutty terminator.
Future terminator?
Oh wait, it's actually Vin Diesel in talks for the part.
Other delays
The strike may also affect Wolverine, Another Night (Night at the Museum 2), The Fast and the Furious 4 and Angels & Demons. With all these films being sequels or spin-offs, is there really any reason why we should be rooting for the writers with all our heart?
Really, the only downside I see is that we're being deprived of Claire from Heroes, but I can manage watching the first season over and over for at least another year.
She will be missed
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From the twisted mind of Jacob Bofferding
